FORUM: r/dating_advice
THREAD: I’ve been on 50 first dates this year – AMA
Posted by u/ThrowawayDatingGuy | 3 days ago
OP:
I’m 32. I decided to go on 50 first dates this year to figure out what I was doing wrong. I documented everything. I analyzed every date. I learned a lot.
Ask me anything.
Top Comments (Sorted by Best)
u/LonelyInSeattle: What was the most common reason dates didn’t lead to a second date?
u/ThrowawayDatingGuy: Great question. I tracked this. Here were the top reasons:
- No spark (28%) – We just didn’t click. It happens.
- They weren’t over their ex (22%) – This was more common than I expected.
- Different life goals (18%) – One wanted kids, the other didn’t. One wanted to travel, the other wanted to settle down.
- I wasn’t their type (15%) – This is the one that hurts. But it’s also the one you can’t control.
- They met someone else (10%) – Timing is everything.
- Other (7%) – Things like distance, schedule conflicts, or just bad vibes.
The biggest lesson: Most of the time, it wasn’t about me. It was about compatibility. And compatibility isn’t something you can force.
u/HopelessRomantic88: Did you ever feel like giving up?
u/ThrowawayDatingGuy: Yes. Around date 30, I hit a wall. I was exhausted. I was cynical. I felt like I was going through the motions.
I took a two-week break. I didn’t open the apps. I didn’t think about dating. I just lived my life.
When I came back, I was different. I was more relaxed. I was more present. And the dates got better.
The lesson: Burnout is real. Take breaks. You’re not a machine.
u/CuriousCat22: What’s the best advice you can give to someone who’s just starting out?
u/ThrowawayDatingGuy: Three things:
- Be specific in your profile. “I love travel” is generic. “I’ve been to 23 countries and my favorite is Japan because of the food” is specific. Specific attracts specific.
- Be present on the date. Put your phone away. Make eye contact. Listen more than you talk.
- Don’t take rejection personally. It’s not about you. It’s about fit. The right person will fit.
u/AnxiousDater: What was the worst date you went on?
u/ThrowawayDatingGuy: Date #17. She showed up 30 minutes late. She didn’t apologize. She spent the whole date talking about her ex. And then she asked me to pay for her Uber home.
I paid for my own coffee and left. That was the only date I walked out on.
The lesson: You don’t have to stay on a bad date. You’re allowed to leave.
u/QuietGuy: I’m shy. How do I compete with guys who are more outgoing?
u/ThrowawayDatingGuy: You don’t compete. You be yourself.
I’m not the most outgoing guy. I’m not the loudest. I’m not the funniest. But I learned that being present and being kind is more important than being the life of the party.
Some women love shy guys. Some don’t. That’s okay. You’re not for everyone. You’re for the right person.
u/BurnedOut: How do you deal with the emotional toll?
u/ThrowawayDatingGuy: It’s hard. I won’t pretend it’s not.
Here’s what helped me:
- Journaling. I wrote about every date. It helped me process.
- Talking to friends. I had a few close friends who let me vent.
- Taking breaks. I took a week off every month.
- Focusing on other things. My career, my hobbies, my health. Dating wasn’t my whole life.
The biggest thing: Remember that dating is a marathon, not a sprint. You’re not going to find the one on the first try. You’re going to learn, grow, and eventually, you’ll find someone who fits.
u/SkepticalSam: Did you actually learn anything? Or was it just a waste of time?
u/ThrowawayDatingGuy: I learned a lot. Here are the big ones:
- Chemistry isn’t everything. I went on dates with women I had great chemistry with, but they were wrong for me. And I went on dates with women I didn’t have immediate chemistry with, but they were great. Chemistry grows.
- Kindness matters more than looks. The most attractive thing is someone who’s kind. To me, to waiters, to strangers. Kindness is the foundation.
- Timing is everything. I met women who were perfect for me at the wrong time. They were fresh out of a relationship, or they were moving, or they were focused on their career.
- You can’t force it. You can’t convince someone to like you. You can’t manipulate someone into wanting you. You can only show up, be yourself, and see what happens.
u/LastComment: Any final thoughts?
u/ThrowawayDatingGuy: Yeah. I’m not an expert. I’m just a guy who went on 50 dates and learned some things.
The biggest thing I learned is that dating is not about finding the perfect person. It’s about becoming the person who’s ready for the right person.
If you’re struggling, don’t give up. Take breaks. Be kind to yourself. And remember that the right person is out there. You just have to be ready for them.
THREAD LOCKED BY MODERATOR – 3 days after posting
Mod Note: This thread was incredibly helpful. Thank you, u/ThrowawayDatingGuy, for sharing your experience. We’ve pinned this for future reference.
