Introduction
I’ve been on a lot of dates. Some worked. Most didn’t. I’ve learned a lot about what I need and what I’m looking for. So I wrote a “user manual.” Not for anyone specific – just for anyone who might want to date me. It’s a way of being clear about who I am and what I’m looking for.
Please read this before swiping.
Section 1: What I Need
I need honesty.
I’d rather hear a difficult truth than a comfortable lie. I’m not fragile. I can handle it. Please don’t pretend to be someone you’re not.
I need space.
I’m not always available. I’m not always in the mood to talk. That’s not a reflection on you – it’s just how I recharge. Please don’t take it personally.
I need patience.
I can be slow to open up. I’ve been hurt before, and I don’t rush into trust. But once I’m in, I’m all in.
I need communication.
I can’t read your mind. If you need something, tell me. If I do something wrong, tell me. If you’re feeling unsure, tell me.
I need a sense of humor.
Life is hard. I try not to take it too seriously. I need someone who can laugh at themselves, at the world, at the absurdity of it all.
Section 2: What I Can’t Tolerate
I can’t tolerate dishonesty.
If you lie to me, I’m out. I don’t care how small it is. Trust is the foundation of everything.
I can’t tolerate games.
If you’re playing with my feelings, I’ll walk away. I’m not interested in chasing or being chased.
I can’t tolerate disrespect.
If you talk down to me, ignore my boundaries, or treat me like I’m beneath you – I’m done.
I can’t tolerate someone who doesn’t know what they want.
If you’re uncertain about what you’re looking for, that’s fine. Just be honest about it. But I’m not going to wait around while you decide.
Section 3: What I’m Looking For
I’m looking for a partner.
Not a therapist. Not a project. Not someone I need to take care of. A partner. Someone who can carry their own weight and still show up for me.
I’m looking for someone curious.
Curious about the world. Curious about people. Curious about me.
I’m looking for someone who’s done the work.
Not perfect. Just someone who’s done some self-reflection. Someone who can own their mistakes and grow from them.
I’m looking for someone who values the small things.
I’d rather have a quiet night in than a loud night out. I’d rather have a genuine conversation than a shallow one. I’m looking for someone who feels the same.
Section 4: How to Love Me
Be consistent. Show up. Don’t disappear and reappear. It’s confusing.
Be direct. If you’re upset, tell me. If you’re happy, tell me. I won’t guess.
Be present. When you’re with me, be with me. Put the phone down.
Be kind. Not just to me – to everyone. How you treat other people shows me how you’ll treat me.
Be patient with my quirks. I have them. You have yours. Accept them.
Section 5: What I Bring
I’ll show up. I’ll try. I’ll be honest. I’ll listen. I’ll make you laugh. I’ll hold space for your feelings. I’ll be present.
I’m not perfect. I make mistakes. I overthink. I’m slow to trust. But I’m learning.
